Today has been a rough day.
It's an ordinary day, ordinary chaos, but for some reason today, I can't handle it. For some reason today, the temper tantrums are getting to me, the whining, the requests for juice and snacks and for me to restart their movie a third time.
I can feel it building. I try to laugh it off when the kids argue over a toy. I try to shrug when my toddler rubs his soup covered hands on my pants. I try to sigh and take a breath before answering my little girl, whose requesting new coloring pages over and over and over again without taking a breath.
But, it finally happens.
I burst. I lose it. What shred of patience I had rips and I go off. I yell. I spank.
And then immediately I tear up as I watch my daughters face. I see her look at me and it tears my insides apart. "I rely on you" I can see her face say through tear-stained cheeks.
"God, I love you, little girl. I'm so sorry. You were doing a no no, but I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm sorry." I plead and I hug her ...
And she hugs back.
She shouldn't but she does.
At times like this, I can't accept that I am a good mom. I feel horrible. I should have kept trying, done more, done less, been better for my children.
But she hugs me back,
because she knows I'm perfectly imperfect, and to her, that's ok.